Day 25: Answers: Part 1
As promised on Day 18, today I'll answer the questions. Since I got a handful, and some are multipart, I'll bust this day into two to make sure I adequately answer what was asked.
Staci asked:
It is obvious how much you love your family. Did you and your Lovely Bride always "plan" on 2 children? Have you ever thought that you wanted more kids? And, wondering how being an only child influenced your decision?
aboynamedstu answer:
John Lennon nailed it. For us. Quite literally. Life is what happened while we were busy making other plans. Because our plan was to be married, roughly 5 years, and then become breeders. 1999 (we were married in 1994,) like the song, came and went. Only. There was no lion in my proverbial pocket that was ready to roar. Because it seems, My Lovely Bride's female parts coupled with my male parts were akin to a fucked up reproductive version of Space Invaders. I chronicled some of our trials and tribulations regarding this in Hope Springs Eternal (a.k.a. the infamous aboynamedstu attempts to beat off in a public restroom story on the Team Tinsley BLOG.
It took more than four years (and $10,000) to have the Elder Boy.
Which is ironic considering the Younger Boy was conceived on pretty much the first attempt and cost only $10 (My Lovely Bride's generic antibiotic prescription that I'm convinced rode shot gun for my boys (read sperm) quest to her egg.)
I tell you all that for this: We felt blessed to have one kid. Anything beyond that was gravy because there were days when we felt or thought it might never happen for us. Most of those days are long forgotten now. We realize that we were (are) much luckier than many. That some will (and have) spent much more than $10,000 to try to have a child (and never succeed.) Whereas others who don't really want to have kids can get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Life is funny like that.
As for the question of more kids. I'd have liked to have a daughter. We joked around at one point when the Younger Boy was still pretty small that if we could be guaranteed a girl, maybe we'd have one more. The fact that we were joking about a guarantee based on our history with having Boy #1 is not lost on me either, Staci. In the end, two is more than we ever figured we get, so it's the right number for Team Tinsley. At this point I think if my Lovely Bride got knocked up (knock on wood) she'd go insane. Babies and toddlers are fun to visit. But those days are behind us. I'll settle for a daughter in the form of a daughter-in-law someday. That is if the Boy(s) aren't funny. Not ha-ha funny. Queer funny. Not that there would be anything wrong with that.
My being an only child didn't influence me/us as much as you might think. In a vague sort of a way I knew we wanted to have more than one child. Perfect world it would be a boy then girl. Then we had all our issues, and it felt a bit presumptions to say I wanted X amount of kids when having one was proving to be such a challenge. Then as I've wrote, the Younger Boy happened so fast we didn't even have a chance to really think about it. We would have never planned to have the Boy(s) 23 months and 3 weeks apart. Even though there are lot of positives to having two of the same gender so close in age, it's not always easy.
Now I sit here today, writing this, aboynamedstu v42 and think something my Mom said to me epitomizes how I feel about being a Father of two.
Fuck me. I can remember this call like it was yesterday. Even though this yesterday was late December 2003. I had dropped off the Elder Boy at Mimi and Papa's and went to see My Lovely Bride and the Younger Boy at the hospital. I had just arrived and was walking through the parking garage when my cell phone rang. It was my Mom. Calling to check in and to talk logistics about her and Pops coming up to meet their new Grandson. Once all that was discussed and almost as an aside, really, Mom said, "Me and your Dad were talking and we just can't believe you have two sons. It seems unreal."
Which is often how I feel. Based on being an only child of an only child Mother. After all the stuff we went through that first time to get pregnant. Even though I think, I'm a pretty good Dad for the most part. It still feels unreal, even to me at times, because I never had that sibling thing. It's voodoo to me. Something that anybody with siblings probably takes for granted. But if you've never had it. You want it. Or would at least like to visit it.
Speaking of which. Pardon me as climb upon the soap box. Writing this answer reminds me once again of how fucking bad I miss my Mom at times. The fact that she could simply call me (or me her) on the phone, even if it was the most mundane of calls is something I can't even begin to describe how bad I miss. Parents can annoy you. I get that. Mine annoyed me. The thing is BLOG reader. They'll be gone one day. Probably sooner than you want or realize. And you'll be like me. Missing it. So. aboynamedstu PSA: Slow down and embrace what you got while you got it. They love you the same as you love your kids (if you are fortunate to have any.) If not. They still love you. No matter what. Unconditionally. Which is saying a lot.
MK asked without realizing she was asking:
I thought about things you don’t talk much about and actually Carter comes to mind. You mention her (Drunko! HA!) but I don’t feel like you write that much about her and your interactions – is that a conscious choice? A respect issue? Or do you feel like you write a lot about her and I am crazy? You’ve talked about how you met – still makes me laugh—technically you are a funny guy after all – but funny in a haha way. But then I figured if you don’t mention her, I really need to respect her privacy.
aboynamedstu answer:
My Lovely Bride. God love the woman for putting up with me. Truly. I don't write that much about her specifically, which is as MK said, a conscious choice. Indirectly however, she's all over most of what I write. It's funny how people perceive my lack of writing about her though and a question I'm frequently asked. Does she exist? You guys having problems? Why don't you talk about her more. Write her name vs. writing My Lovely Bride.
I think a large part of this is because unless you know us, know us, you don't see My Lovely Bride since she's not big on the whole digital thing (she's not on Facebook for instance. Has no desire in fact.) Yet I write all this highly personal shit on the Team Tinsley, aboynamedstu BLOGS, and my goofy little Facebook things, so people feel like the know me or us. Be interesting for those that do know both of us personally to chime in and give your impression of her vs. the impression you get of her from the BLOGS.
Carter (there I used her actual name!) in a lot of ways is a bigger, bolder, more in your face personality than me. Which some might find hard to believe if you only know us from reading about us. She's not one to mince words. You pretty much always know where you stand with her, good or bad. And she puts up with me. That is a joke, but in all seriousness I put a lot of shit out there because of who I am and she's always cool about it. I try and respect her by not putting words in her mouth. Which is the real answer to MK's question. Unless of course the story I'm telling is so wrapped up or dependent in her voice. At the end of the day I respect her too much to ever try and write what I think she might think, feel, or say.
Until I BLOG again...I'm thinking of you, And all the things that you wanted me to be, And I'm trying now.
Staci asked:
It is obvious how much you love your family. Did you and your Lovely Bride always "plan" on 2 children? Have you ever thought that you wanted more kids? And, wondering how being an only child influenced your decision?
aboynamedstu answer:
John Lennon nailed it. For us. Quite literally. Life is what happened while we were busy making other plans. Because our plan was to be married, roughly 5 years, and then become breeders. 1999 (we were married in 1994,) like the song, came and went. Only. There was no lion in my proverbial pocket that was ready to roar. Because it seems, My Lovely Bride's female parts coupled with my male parts were akin to a fucked up reproductive version of Space Invaders. I chronicled some of our trials and tribulations regarding this in Hope Springs Eternal (a.k.a. the infamous aboynamedstu attempts to beat off in a public restroom story on the Team Tinsley BLOG.
It took more than four years (and $10,000) to have the Elder Boy.
Which is ironic considering the Younger Boy was conceived on pretty much the first attempt and cost only $10 (My Lovely Bride's generic antibiotic prescription that I'm convinced rode shot gun for my boys (read sperm) quest to her egg.)
I tell you all that for this: We felt blessed to have one kid. Anything beyond that was gravy because there were days when we felt or thought it might never happen for us. Most of those days are long forgotten now. We realize that we were (are) much luckier than many. That some will (and have) spent much more than $10,000 to try to have a child (and never succeed.) Whereas others who don't really want to have kids can get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Life is funny like that.
As for the question of more kids. I'd have liked to have a daughter. We joked around at one point when the Younger Boy was still pretty small that if we could be guaranteed a girl, maybe we'd have one more. The fact that we were joking about a guarantee based on our history with having Boy #1 is not lost on me either, Staci. In the end, two is more than we ever figured we get, so it's the right number for Team Tinsley. At this point I think if my Lovely Bride got knocked up (knock on wood) she'd go insane. Babies and toddlers are fun to visit. But those days are behind us. I'll settle for a daughter in the form of a daughter-in-law someday. That is if the Boy(s) aren't funny. Not ha-ha funny. Queer funny. Not that there would be anything wrong with that.
My being an only child didn't influence me/us as much as you might think. In a vague sort of a way I knew we wanted to have more than one child. Perfect world it would be a boy then girl. Then we had all our issues, and it felt a bit presumptions to say I wanted X amount of kids when having one was proving to be such a challenge. Then as I've wrote, the Younger Boy happened so fast we didn't even have a chance to really think about it. We would have never planned to have the Boy(s) 23 months and 3 weeks apart. Even though there are lot of positives to having two of the same gender so close in age, it's not always easy.
Now I sit here today, writing this, aboynamedstu v42 and think something my Mom said to me epitomizes how I feel about being a Father of two.
Fuck me. I can remember this call like it was yesterday. Even though this yesterday was late December 2003. I had dropped off the Elder Boy at Mimi and Papa's and went to see My Lovely Bride and the Younger Boy at the hospital. I had just arrived and was walking through the parking garage when my cell phone rang. It was my Mom. Calling to check in and to talk logistics about her and Pops coming up to meet their new Grandson. Once all that was discussed and almost as an aside, really, Mom said, "Me and your Dad were talking and we just can't believe you have two sons. It seems unreal."
Which is often how I feel. Based on being an only child of an only child Mother. After all the stuff we went through that first time to get pregnant. Even though I think, I'm a pretty good Dad for the most part. It still feels unreal, even to me at times, because I never had that sibling thing. It's voodoo to me. Something that anybody with siblings probably takes for granted. But if you've never had it. You want it. Or would at least like to visit it.
Speaking of which. Pardon me as climb upon the soap box. Writing this answer reminds me once again of how fucking bad I miss my Mom at times. The fact that she could simply call me (or me her) on the phone, even if it was the most mundane of calls is something I can't even begin to describe how bad I miss. Parents can annoy you. I get that. Mine annoyed me. The thing is BLOG reader. They'll be gone one day. Probably sooner than you want or realize. And you'll be like me. Missing it. So. aboynamedstu PSA: Slow down and embrace what you got while you got it. They love you the same as you love your kids (if you are fortunate to have any.) If not. They still love you. No matter what. Unconditionally. Which is saying a lot.
MK asked without realizing she was asking:
I thought about things you don’t talk much about and actually Carter comes to mind. You mention her (Drunko! HA!) but I don’t feel like you write that much about her and your interactions – is that a conscious choice? A respect issue? Or do you feel like you write a lot about her and I am crazy? You’ve talked about how you met – still makes me laugh—technically you are a funny guy after all – but funny in a haha way. But then I figured if you don’t mention her, I really need to respect her privacy.
aboynamedstu answer:
My Lovely Bride. God love the woman for putting up with me. Truly. I don't write that much about her specifically, which is as MK said, a conscious choice. Indirectly however, she's all over most of what I write. It's funny how people perceive my lack of writing about her though and a question I'm frequently asked. Does she exist? You guys having problems? Why don't you talk about her more. Write her name vs. writing My Lovely Bride.
I think a large part of this is because unless you know us, know us, you don't see My Lovely Bride since she's not big on the whole digital thing (she's not on Facebook for instance. Has no desire in fact.) Yet I write all this highly personal shit on the Team Tinsley, aboynamedstu BLOGS, and my goofy little Facebook things, so people feel like the know me or us. Be interesting for those that do know both of us personally to chime in and give your impression of her vs. the impression you get of her from the BLOGS.
Carter (there I used her actual name!) in a lot of ways is a bigger, bolder, more in your face personality than me. Which some might find hard to believe if you only know us from reading about us. She's not one to mince words. You pretty much always know where you stand with her, good or bad. And she puts up with me. That is a joke, but in all seriousness I put a lot of shit out there because of who I am and she's always cool about it. I try and respect her by not putting words in her mouth. Which is the real answer to MK's question. Unless of course the story I'm telling is so wrapped up or dependent in her voice. At the end of the day I respect her too much to ever try and write what I think she might think, feel, or say.
Until I BLOG again...I'm thinking of you, And all the things that you wanted me to be, And I'm trying now.
So I totally cheated and read your blog early! Couldn't resist!! Then I saw my name and I felt like a rock star - kind of like reading your name in the paper or seeing yourself on TV!
ReplyDeleteI love your answer about Carter and while I don't know Carter well personally I remember impressions she made when I did first meet her in 1998 and got to know her through brief interactions at Dover, a few lunches, and lots of stories from Jess. Fun, direct, and witty -- that is what I remember.
Seems like you guys fit just right together!
PS MLB is a great name