Rapture

We were sitting around discussing what to do as a family on New Year's Eve when karaoke was mentioned.  Playing like I had a microphone in my hand,  I said to the family, with an emphasis to Boy #1, "I'd like to dedicate this to all the Mayans in the house tonight."

I paused for a second before singing, "That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an airplane and Lenny Bruce is not afraid..."  The opening lyrics to It's The the End of the World As We Know It by REM.

Comedy gold.  Right?

Especially considering Boy #1 is horrified of all things eschatological.  Which might seem cruel, until you consider he trotted out my joke for one of his friends on New Year's Day. 

What the Boy didn't realize then though, not in a meaningful way, was that I, as a child, was terrified of all things eschatological too. 

I was also horrified of (in no particular order.)
•  Tornadoes.
•  Big Foot.
•  The Second Coming of Christ/Rapture.
•  Nuclear War (which was often combined with The Second Coming/Rapture fear.)

As an aside I also thought that gorillas were fighting in Vietnam when I heard reports about guerrilla warfare attacks.  I also thought that Water Gate was a scandal about the things I saw on the side of the road in Oklahoma where there was a fence and gate around a drainage ditch so kids couldn't get into the storm drains.

I was, and still am, I very literal, black and white kind of thinker. 

So as a kid, when I heard people say you could go to hell for calling someone a fool, I believed them.  The same way I thought saying fuck. Or shit.  Would get you sent to hell.  Same as not going to church.  All things I did (and did not do.)

That same either or thinking, got me with tornadoes too.   Not to imply they are something that you shouldn't fear, but the way I thought, as soon as I heard a warning or watch, I thought, fuck me, we're all going to die.  Which was scary on a few levels. The first being I was going to die. Second being I had said or thought fuck which meant I was going to die and go to hell.

Double fuck me.

As you mature things that scared you as a kid don't seem as scary.  And most of us replace them with grown-up fears.  The fear of Big Foot is replaced by the fear of losing your job.  Nuclear war isn't as scary as not being able to insure the kids.  Not that nuclear war isn't scary. Or tornadoes for that matter. You understand when you get older that the probability of those things happening isn't all that likely.

Flash forward a week or so and Boy #1 and I were wanting to watch a program about Rome and Hadrian's Wall on The History Channel.  However, we had to first get through ten minutes of a show about Satan.  Which wasn't bad at first.  They were showing scholars talking about the devil.  Then they switched to talking about Satanists, and showed some very cheesy B movie footage of satanists in black robes doing their ritual.  Pentagrams in fake looking blood.  I could see out of the corner of my eye that the Elder Boy was about to change the channel. That what he was seeing was scaring him.  Which was not scary to me.  But quite cheesy, which is why I laughed.

He took his hand off the remote and looked at me.

Finally I said something to the effect of, "That cracks me up...look how cheesy it is."

He didn't say anything.  Just watched me. Laugh.

"It used to scare me though," I said.

"Really?!?!"  He asked perking up.

"Oh yeah.  I was horrified of all that end of the world stuff as a kid.  The devil.  Hell.  I thought I was going to hell because I cussed.  Because we didn't go to church."

It was like a weight was lifted off of him.  Not that he shares my exact fears. The concept of hell and devil is completely foreign to him because of our church's teachings.  Which we discussed.  But that isn't my point. And it's his story.

My story continues with me getting dressed while watching Pop Up Video on VH1.

Rapture by Blondie was on and My Lovely Bride was commenting on how Blondie wasn't an actual blondie per a pop up factoid.

"I couldn't watch this video or listen to the song as a kid." I said.

Which is true.

Because, like the Elder Boy, I was so black and white in my thinking, had such OCD type tendencies, to hear it, or see it, gave it power, in my monkey brain at least.  Plus Fab Five Freddy's red light glasses tripped me out.  To this day I call red lights like that, devil lights. Even when hung in a church. 

Which is my point.  What I want Boy #1 to heed.  Talking about things that scare you bring them out of your heard and into the light.  And when you can laugh or joke about them even more so.  Like the Riddikulus charm that combats the boggart in Harry Potter.  You might not be able to make your fear go away completely.  But laughing at it can make it not so scary.  Since it's hard to be afraid of something that's funny.

Until I BLOG again...And you try to run but he's got a gun, And he shoots you dead and he eats your head, And then you're in the man from Mars.