Monkey Wrench
"I killed my remote." I told the Time Warner Cable Lady sitting in a caged box. I guess they sit in them so disgruntled cable subscribers can't attack them?
I laid the dead remote on the counter in front of her.
She smiled, grabbed it, and pulled it through the hole in her box.
"I can tell."
"I should have killed the DVR, though."
"Why?" she asked.
"'Cause that piece of..." I caught myself short of shit.
"That piece of...junk didn't record the season finale of Next FoodTV Star. Even though it has recorded every other new episode this season!"
"It was good," the Time Warner Cable Lady in the box said, "I was glad that..."
"Don't spoil me!" I shouted putting my hands up to me ears. "I want to watch it later."
The Time Warner Cable Lady in the box laughed, while the old women who was in line behind me, shifted nervously (or impatiently) from foot to foot.
"Anyway, I need a new remote." I said.
"And anger management," she added.
"Nice," I said.
She smiled. And then the Time Warner Cable Lady in the box reached around and grabbed a clear plastic bag that contained a new remote, instruction manual, and two batteries.
"Here you go," she said sticking it through the hole in her box.
"That's it?" I asked.
"That's it." She said.
"You don't need my phone or account number?"
"No. I don't need your phone or account number."
I stood there, confused by the fact that I could so easily kill my remote and then simply drive over to the Time Warner Cable Lady in the box and get a new one.
"Is there anything else I can do for you today?" she asked I guess, because I was standing there like a dumbass.
"You can bury that," I said pointing at my murdered remote. "Hide the evidence."
"I'll take care of it." She said grabbing the dead remote which she shot,literally across the room and into a large trash can.
She smiled and said, "I think that was a fitting burial. Don't you?"
I was speechless.
"Thank you for choosing Time Warner, sir." She added.
"Awesome," was all I could say.
"Until I BLOG again....One last thing before I quit I never wanted any more than I could fit Into my head I still remember every single word You said and all the shit that somehow came along with it Still there's one thing that comforts me since I was Always caged and now I'm free.
I laid the dead remote on the counter in front of her.
She smiled, grabbed it, and pulled it through the hole in her box.
"I can tell."
"I should have killed the DVR, though."
"Why?" she asked.
"'Cause that piece of..." I caught myself short of shit.
"That piece of...junk didn't record the season finale of Next FoodTV Star. Even though it has recorded every other new episode this season!"
"It was good," the Time Warner Cable Lady in the box said, "I was glad that..."
"Don't spoil me!" I shouted putting my hands up to me ears. "I want to watch it later."
The Time Warner Cable Lady in the box laughed, while the old women who was in line behind me, shifted nervously (or impatiently) from foot to foot.
"Anyway, I need a new remote." I said.
"And anger management," she added.
"Nice," I said.
She smiled. And then the Time Warner Cable Lady in the box reached around and grabbed a clear plastic bag that contained a new remote, instruction manual, and two batteries.
"Here you go," she said sticking it through the hole in her box.
"That's it?" I asked.
"That's it." She said.
"You don't need my phone or account number?"
"No. I don't need your phone or account number."
I stood there, confused by the fact that I could so easily kill my remote and then simply drive over to the Time Warner Cable Lady in the box and get a new one.
"Is there anything else I can do for you today?" she asked I guess, because I was standing there like a dumbass.
"You can bury that," I said pointing at my murdered remote. "Hide the evidence."
"I'll take care of it." She said grabbing the dead remote which she shot,literally across the room and into a large trash can.
She smiled and said, "I think that was a fitting burial. Don't you?"
I was speechless.
"Thank you for choosing Time Warner, sir." She added.
"Awesome," was all I could say.
"Until I BLOG again....One last thing before I quit I never wanted any more than I could fit Into my head I still remember every single word You said and all the shit that somehow came along with it Still there's one thing that comforts me since I was Always caged and now I'm free.
Comments
Post a Comment