Everything I Own
I suck in real time.
I used to write that a lot on the Team Tinsley BLOG. Then on this BLOG. Then I stopped.
Writing.
Not to be confused with sucking.
Because I'm happy to report for those that give a shit, I still do. Suck. Hard.
I tell you that for this BLOG reader.
When Jerr suggested we grab lunch before the funeral at McAlister's Deli I didn't give it a second thought. It wasn't until I walked through the rainy parking lot into the front door that I realized that the only other time I'd ever eaten at a McAlister's was on the way to my Mom's memorial service on December 17, 2006.
One of the curious things about death is the amount of questions that arise. The most asked is probably the how and/or why. That's the thing most people want to know when they first hear the news of a person's demise. How? What happened? As if knowing the answer can do anything. I used to find those questions annoying. As I've aged, and I guess mellowed, I find it more curious, because I feel the how and why matter little when someone is dead. This is especially true to those closet to the deceased who are trying to make sense out of what often is senseless.
The other question and what this is really all about is the question of regret. Not everyone has the nuts to ask this question. Most will ask the how and why, then how are you doing (which has to be the most inane question you can ask someone going through the death of a close loved one) and are done. Some though, will look you in the eye, and ask the mother fucker of all questions. The one about regret.
Which brings me to my belabored point in posting on this here BLOG after what amounts to a coon's age.
I saw this this morning.
Three days after after seeing the closest thing I had to a brother growing up say good bye to his 21 year old son who died on October 31, 2013.
When my Mom died, seven years ago, I was asked about regret. My answer was always, no. Not really. I pretty much said everything I wanted to say. Hell, I even documented a lot of it on the Team Tinsley BLOG for all those interested in the how and why.
Over the years I've learned that is not 100% true. I do have regret. But it's not the kind of regret you may expect.
My regret is that I wish I would have taken photographs of my Mom in those final days. As sick as that may sound to many. That is my regret. That I did not do what this guy did. It is genius. Not only does it illustrate the absolute evil of cancer. And what it does to a person. It also is a palpable reminder that death comes to us all. Regardless if you are old or young. From cancer or drugs. We all are going to die. It's not something most of us like to consider. And. It can be scary to think about. But you reading this now. You're going to die. The same as me. And. Your parents. Your children. Your friends.
Which gets us back to the original question.
What's more important to you? The how and why? Or the regret?
Godspeed Stuart James Spencer...
Until I BLOG again...And they don't hear the words you long to say.I used to write that a lot on the Team Tinsley BLOG. Then on this BLOG. Then I stopped.
Writing.
Not to be confused with sucking.
Because I'm happy to report for those that give a shit, I still do. Suck. Hard.
I tell you that for this BLOG reader.
When Jerr suggested we grab lunch before the funeral at McAlister's Deli I didn't give it a second thought. It wasn't until I walked through the rainy parking lot into the front door that I realized that the only other time I'd ever eaten at a McAlister's was on the way to my Mom's memorial service on December 17, 2006.
One of the curious things about death is the amount of questions that arise. The most asked is probably the how and/or why. That's the thing most people want to know when they first hear the news of a person's demise. How? What happened? As if knowing the answer can do anything. I used to find those questions annoying. As I've aged, and I guess mellowed, I find it more curious, because I feel the how and why matter little when someone is dead. This is especially true to those closet to the deceased who are trying to make sense out of what often is senseless.
The other question and what this is really all about is the question of regret. Not everyone has the nuts to ask this question. Most will ask the how and why, then how are you doing (which has to be the most inane question you can ask someone going through the death of a close loved one) and are done. Some though, will look you in the eye, and ask the mother fucker of all questions. The one about regret.
Which brings me to my belabored point in posting on this here BLOG after what amounts to a coon's age.
I saw this this morning.
Three days after after seeing the closest thing I had to a brother growing up say good bye to his 21 year old son who died on October 31, 2013.
When my Mom died, seven years ago, I was asked about regret. My answer was always, no. Not really. I pretty much said everything I wanted to say. Hell, I even documented a lot of it on the Team Tinsley BLOG for all those interested in the how and why.
Over the years I've learned that is not 100% true. I do have regret. But it's not the kind of regret you may expect.
My regret is that I wish I would have taken photographs of my Mom in those final days. As sick as that may sound to many. That is my regret. That I did not do what this guy did. It is genius. Not only does it illustrate the absolute evil of cancer. And what it does to a person. It also is a palpable reminder that death comes to us all. Regardless if you are old or young. From cancer or drugs. We all are going to die. It's not something most of us like to consider. And. It can be scary to think about. But you reading this now. You're going to die. The same as me. And. Your parents. Your children. Your friends.
Which gets us back to the original question.
What's more important to you? The how and why? Or the regret?
Godspeed Stuart James Spencer...
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